Part 1. Phil's birthday
[People are standing in front of the house.
Somebody inside opens the door.]
GARY:
Hi, come in.
JANE:
Are you ready to party?
GARY:
What party?
JANE:
Gary, it's Phil's birthday today, don't you remember?
GARY:
Oh, yeah, sure I remember. Where are we going?
PHIL:
We're staying here, you invited me last month!!!
GARY:
Right.
[A man wearing just a panties enter the room]
MAN (JOHN):
I need a shower so I can stand up and wash myself
in the right order.
GARY:
You have an order for washing your body?
MAN (JOHN):
Yeah. I mean it's basically top to bottom,
and then you double back for the it's not important.
GARY:
Ah, that's the same order you use for everything, isn't it?
PHIL:
And you must be new Gary's boyfriend?
GARY:
That's my new lodger,
he came to England two weeks ago.
He's Pole. John Kowalsky
JOHN:
Yeah, John Kowalsky, but I'm not living on the pole.
I'm from Poland.
GARY:
He escaped from his horrible Polish wife.
He wants to divorce her.
PHIL:
Have you any grounds?
JOHN:
Yes, two acres, and nice house.
PHIL:
No, I mean what's the foundation of this case?
JOHN:
It is made of concrete.
PHIL:
Right
GARY:
He was beaten.
His wife was karate instructor,
so bloke didn't have chance to defense himself.
[Gary goes to the kitchen, he walks up holding a birthday cake with a
ridiculous number of candles.]
JANE, GARY, JOHN:
Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday dear Phil.
GARY:
Now blow out the candles Phil!
PHIL:
I'm not that old!!!
[Phil manages the smallest wheeze, which doesn't even make the flames of the
candles flicker.]
[John tries to count the candles.]
JOHN:
How does it feel to be a hundred and two, Phil?
PHIL:
Shoot me.
GARY:
Make a wish Phil!
PHIL:
I wish I were dead.
GARY:
Nothing is certain but death and taxes.
JOHN:
I know what you mean, there is always a death waiting for you,
And you can always find a taxi which is waiting for you ass well.
PHIL:
Jane honey, get over here and fast.
JOHN:
Is she on diet?
PHIL:
No, why?
JOHN:
Because you said:
"Jane get over here and don't eat for a long time"
PHIL:
No, I said "Jane get over here and hurry"
JANE:
We've seen beautiful ballroom,
it's perfect for our wedding party, right Phil?
JOHN:
Are you going to have a wedding party in a circus or what?
Why do you need a room with balls inside for your wedding?
Is it some kind of tradition in England?
PHIL:
This gay is amazing! How did you find him, Gary?
It's like free entertainment 24/7 !
GARY:
I was looking for a lodge and I thought he's quite funny
so I said Yeah, why not to try
PHIL:
John, do you know that Gary is a gay?
JOHN:
Of course, I can't see a breast, so he's a guy for sure!
PHIL:
G-a-y not g-u-y! He's homosexual!
JOHN:
Is he? I don't mind.
I think homophobia is just an excuse for people
who are insecure about their own sexuality.
But I know exactly what catoptrophobia means,
I hate mirrors and I don't like seeing myself reflected.
PHIL:
Why?
[John is sobbing]
JOHN:
Because I'm ugly!!!
PHIL:
Who said that?
JOHN:
My mum said that to me when I was 7.
My neighbor said that when I was 10
My sister said that when I was 15.
Seller from the furniture shop said that when I was 17.
My girlfriend said that when I was 19.
My boyfriend said that when I was 23.
[Greg is smiling]
My wife said that when I was 32.
And after that she was repeating that every day.
GREG:
I think you're gorgeous.
PHIL:
In a way.
Gary, don't lie.
JOHN:
Are you ill, Gary?
If you want to lay down and rest, we will be quiet.
GREG:
I'm all right, John.
But I really need a drink!
PHIL:
Yeah, I think we should go out.
Lets go to New Castle Inn!
There is karaoke tonight.
JANE:
Great idea, honey, lets go.
John are you going with us?
JOHN:
Yes, I would like to go with you.
JANE:
So I think you should put something on.
It's cold outside. We will wait.
[Exit John]
GREG:
What do you think about him?
JANE:
He's quite.
PHIL:
He's annoying
GARY:
He's funny
PHIL:
And he's ugly
Wygenerowano: 2006-12-29
jezyki
darmowe wypracowania i ściągi - szkoła i studia